Dealing With Feelings of Guilt after a Tragedy
It is difficult for human beings to feel grateful for being alive while at the same time feeling intense sorrow for those who did not survive. People may also feel guilty because they want to be doing more for those affected. The following are some suggestions to assist in managing feelings of guilt after a tragedy:
- Acknowledge and accept your feelings and understand that they are perfectly normal. Celebrating your own life does not in any way diminish your sorrow and grief over those who were lost. All of your feelings are an important part of the grieving process and should not be suppressed.
- Talk about how you feel with other survivors. You will find that you are not the only one with these feelings, and simply knowing that will help you to resolve them.
- Recognize that the fact that you survived while others did not is a total mystery. No one can answer the ultimate question, "why" so try not to spend too much time trying to answer the unanswerable. Instead, look to find a purpose in your life and meaning in the things you can do as a result of having survived.
- Find ways to keep alive the memory of those who were lost. This can be done on a small scale by creating a memory book, or by donating to or participating in larger memorial events.
- For those who are second-guessing any of their decisions on, remember that everyone involved in the crises made the absolute best decisions they could make under incredibly chaotic, traumatic and uncertain circumstances. It is pointless to focus any energy on "what ifs," and unfair to apply the knowledge you now have to a moment in time when that information did not exist.
- Don't let feelings of guilt keep you from responding to your own needs. There is a difference between mourning the losses and punishing yourself.
- Recognize your powerlessness over any of the negative outcomes of that day and focus instead on the things that you have control over today. Being present-focused will help you channel your energy in the most productive way.
- Consider turning to spiritual resources for help in finding a framework for the events that took place and for resolving strong guilt feelings.
- If your feelings of guilt are so overwhelming that you find it difficult to care for yourself or perform necessary activities, please seek the help of a grief professional.
Adapted form http://www.provisionsconsulting.com/survivor_guilt.htm
