A relationship break-up can be any of the following:
- Ending of a marriage
- Ending of a relationship with a long-term partner
- Ending of a relationship with a family member
- Ending of a friendship
- Ending of a relationship with work colleagues
Signs of Distress After the Break-Up of a Relationship:
- Depression and/or sadness
- Feeling helpless, fearful, empty, despairing, pessimistic, irritable, angry, guilty, or restless
- Changes in appetite
- Changes in sleep pattern and/or sex drive
- Tendency to be fatigued or experiencing low energy
The ending of a relationship is a loss, and the reactions are similar to grief after a death. The stages of recovery take place in three stages:
- Shock/denial/numbness
- Fear/anger/depression
- Understanding/acceptance/moving on
Things You Can Do:
- Know that the above symptoms and stages are normal reactions to a loss.
- Remember that each stage of recovery after the loss of a relationship is necessary, natural, and part of the healing process.
- Acknowledge that you have experienced a loss.
- Know that there are millions of people who have experienced the ending of a relationship.
- Give yourself permission to feel all of the things you are feeling.
- Give yourself time to heal. If you need a Friday night, a whole weekend, or whatever amount of time feels good to be by yourself, give yourself that.
- Get a lot of rest. You have been through a lot.
- Stick to a regular schedule. This can give you a sense of order when other aspects of life feel chaotic.
- Don’t make major decisions without talking with family, friends, and professionals (e.g. moving away, withdrawing from school).
- Seek the support of family and friends.
- Seek out others who you know have experienced the ending of a relationship. They can help.
- Get help if you feel as if you have run out of ideas that might help, are experiencing symptoms that interfere with your daily life, are about to take action you’ll regret, if you have a history of mental health concerns, if you are turning to alcohol, drugs, or other addictive substances for comfort, if you feel isolated, or especially if you are experiencing thoughts of suicide.
- Read How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Melba Colgrove, Ph.D., Harold Bloomfield, MD, and Peter McWilliams. These suggestions are modified from this book.
- Remember that asking for help doesn’t make you weak; it makes you smart for knowing your own limits and brave for taking the step toward healing.
Help is Available
It may benefit you to talk to someone at the Counseling Center. Stop by during our Walk In hours Monday-Friday 8:30-11:00 a.m. & 1:00-4:00 p.m., or call (828) 262-3180. We can talk with you about your concerns. You may also learn more by checking our other links, or completing an online screening.
Crisis Services
If you or another AppState student is experiencing suicidal and/or homicidal thoughts or experiencing trauma in regard to a sexual assault, you may contact us after hours by calling the Counseling Center at (828) 262-3180 and select the option to speak with the counselor on call.
